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The Brightest Star From Afar by Jeff
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you're an exception to the rest
the one that they all told me.
watch out! she's one of the best
heartbreakers this side of the sea.
oh but i would love to drown for just
a glimpse. just a second to drink
from that sea where you lay your trust
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| #1 Author | Message |
LombiDomen Lombergar
   Forum Posts: 1977 Art Reviews: Comments: 1170 Age: 25 |
#3530 2006-01-16 10:45 GMT Rated: Not Rated |
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Seems like not much comments on writing these days. Anyways:
I like the choice of rhymes youve chosen in the poem, but some of them have a slightly too different sound or have a bit too many syllables. I know, I\m splitting hairs here, but you have your writing developed to a certain point and I think you can easily overcome this. Good job.
Siggie!
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