1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
>was God and I didn't.
>
>2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
>
>3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
>
>4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
>
>5 . I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
>
>6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
>
>7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
>
>8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
>
>9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
>
>10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
>
>11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>
>12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
>medicine.
>
>13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
>
>14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
>
>15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
>
>16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
>
>17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
>
>18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
>
>19.. Procrastinate Now!
>
>20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
>
>21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
>
>22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
>
>23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
>
>24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
>
>25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
>
>26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
>times the memory.
>
>27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for
>a pig.
>
>28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
>
>29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
>
>30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.

A lot of them are old, but there are a few I have never heard.

hahaha
>13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
>15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.


oh, and remember to never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

I love the way you move...like butter on a bald monkey.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good

Man - Do you like to dance?
Woman - Yes !
Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?

Ou sh*t i almoast fell of my chair ... some of Stashas points are quite thue hehe, and Lombi i hope you don't dance much :aww: hehe you might get hurt :eek: ou man i'm still laughing !!!! hahaha beauty is only a light swithc away....